Twenty
by Nyneve
Summary: Twenty one-shots featuring one writer's top-twenty couples. Soon to be accompanied by a video series on YouTube. Number 19: Beyond the Invisible. Sometimes our teachers save the most important lessons for the end.
1. Let Me Go

_Preface:_

So, in doing my best to stimulate this dying category, I've challenged myself to not only pick twenty Wing/Moon couples (a tough task in itself), but to write a fic for each, _and_ do a short video. Obviously, fics will be released here (as well as on my blog), and every five fics a new video will be released featuring couples from the lineup. Please note: these are _my_ top twenty GW/SM couples. I didn't take any polls, and I really didn't use a scale of any sort beyond "Do I like this couple better or this one?" If you disagree with my choices, feel free to let me know! If enough people show interest, I might be willing to try this project again with couples people actually like.

Without further adeiu, Number 20.

**Let Me Go**

_"One more kiss could be the best thing_

_Or one more lie could be the worst._

_And all these thoughts are never resting._

_And you're not something I deserve."_

-3 Doors Down

--

J takes him to the Dogstar for two reasons. Number one is that it's the only establishment left for the other members of the rebellion to gather. The Alliance found out about the other bars and shut them down, then arrested the owners and employees for harboring terrorists. They firebombed the safehouses, hacked the communication lines, and set curfews. But the Dogstar stays open, for the second reason that J brings him there.

The piano player has a pretty face.

Caleb, the owner, claims she's the only thing keeping the place up and running. Even the Alliance soldiers come by to listen to her, and she's got enough high-ranked fans to keep the establishment safe. Of course, with so many soldiers around, the bar is one of the last choices for an underground meeting place, but the girl at the piano helps with that too. She puts the soldiers into what could almost be described as a state of hypnosis. Only rarely do they notice the people who go into the back rooms and upstairs of the tavern, and even when they do, they find them playing cards or watching TV (or in one case, fucking on an air mattress in the attic). Caleb makes sure cameras and monitors stay hidden and in good condition. No one's ever caught unaware at the Dogstar.

J doesn't bring his boy to the Dogstar too often, only when he deems it necessary. It's a distraction. The boy's job is to take orders and fulfill them, not to give and debate them. He is a weapon, more or less, not even named yet, though he's been tossing around "Heero Yuy" (sick bastard, using the name of peace in such a way...). But the engineer knows the boy's safer in a place like the Dogstar than left roaming on the streets when not in use. And "Heero" himself seems content enough to watch the girl play piano and drink black coffee Caleb lets him have for free, because it's just one more little thing he can do for the rebels.

The pilot is soothed by the music. It's one of the few things that reminds him he is indeed a human, not a machine that operates in tandem with the mechanical masterpiece waiting for completion at the hidden facility near the spaceport. The girl's songs are usually sad, but if you listened to the words you can pick up something very stirring about them. They remind him of the dying embers of a fire: almost gone, but ready to spring back to life as soon as they catch hold of something to consume.

And yes, he agrees with J, Caleb, and every other man in the bar. She is pretty. There's a very exotic look about her, with her long black hair and burning dark eyes. Her body's still young, not quite as ripe as it will be in a few years, but instead there's a tautness and potential in the long limbs streaming from the close-fitting dress, guillotine blades ready to fall and deliver a deadly blow at any given moment. She's a fighter, this girl. 01guesses she's a veteran who cut out early, or who had perhaps cut and run entirely. Or maybe she just practices martial arts for the fun of it. But no normal bar singer has energy inside her like this girl does.

--

Rei knows he's watching her. He always does. He comes in with the old cyborg, who ditches him to play cards in the back, then sits and watches her play. She's asked Caleb about him several times, but Caleb knows better than to pry into his patrons' business. "The Cyborg's Boy." That's who he is. Rei is frustrated. She could have figured that one out on her own.

The Cyborg is only one of the strange customers that come in. In her mind, there are three types of people who go to the Dogstar: the soldiers, horny as dogs and always inviting her upstairs; the civilians, good people who come in because they know Caleb and they like his prices and her voice and are always respectful, because after all, _someone _should set an example for the Alliance and treat a lady like a lady; and the others, the strangers who go upstairs or in the back for maybe an hour or two then head back out and aren't seen for a few weeks or months. The Cyborg and his boy, both of whom come around rather regularly, are this category simply because the Cyborg gives her the creeps and the boy is neither a civilian nor a soldier.

She wants to talk to young man. It's become an obsession. He watches her so closely, so objectively. It's not like with the soldiers, who undress her with their eyes, or the regulars, who are only paying attention to be polite. It's almost as if he's studying her, trying to peel back the layers of skin to see how her muscles fit together, and then going past the muscles to examine the structure of her bones. And beneath that...her soul? Her power?

Rei suspects he might know about what exists at the foundation of her being, the Sailor Crystal that burns almost painfully now that the battles have been over for two years. With her grandfather dead and the shrine only a number (albeit a large one) in her bank account, she'd come to space to find herself. To find a new battle. But she'd been too late. The Alliance had finished playing nice, and now you couldn't breathe without permission on the colonies. The rebellions were either crushed or driven so far underground that there was no hope for a her, a child of an Alliance representative, to get in.

But the fire is still burning inside. How couldn't it be? You can't quench the desire to fight by playing piano in a bar. At one time, Rei had toyed with the idea of joining the Alliance military, or maybe OZ. But no, she wouldn't fight just for the sake of fighting, especially not when innocent lives were at stake. There had to be a cause, a purpose.

It was harder than it sounded.

--

"Heero Yuy" is sitting at the bar, drinking a cup of coffee and watching her. She meets his eyes on more than one occasion, and he never drops them, never smiles, never lets that emotionless mask slip. He just continues his long-term survey of her, focusing on the minute details now that most of the big-picture things had been taken in. Every move she makes is precise, he notes. There is energy in her movements, yes, but none are unplanned. The grace is particularly noticeable in her neck. It holds her head up with pride and determination, an Amazon's neck. Her wrists are similar, almost more beautiful than her hands in a way.

He still doesn't know her name. Of course, the pilot could have asked probably anyone in the bar, but he doesn't. It's cheating to ask. He wants her to tell him herself, or else he wants to figure it out on his own. There's no rush. Operation Meteor is still under debate, and with his training complete, he has time to come here on his own now. It's been nearly two months since he first saw the girl at the piano, and although he still knows nothing about her beyond what he can see and sense, he cannot deny the connection he feels with her.

Which is why he doesn't move when she sits beside him at the bar. Why he nods when she says, "You've been watching me." Why he follows her to the secluded table in the corner.

"You come in with the old man a lot. The Cyborg. Where's he tonight?" she asks, setting a glass of water beside his half-empty coffee cup.

The boy shrugs. "Business."

A reasonable answer. "Is he your grandfather? You don't look alike."

She asks a lot of questions. He doesn't like it, but he's not about to up and push her away. A deeper self desires this girl, not just her body, but her mind, her heart. And why shouldn't it? There was no shame in companionship. His training had not cured him of that need yet.

"I was adopted." It's a lie, but God knows it's far from the first he's ever told.

A softness enters the girl's eyes. "I see." She hesitates, seemingly unsure of the direction she should take the conversation. Eventually, she makes the simplest choice. "I'm Reiko. Reiko Kumada."

--

Her name is not Reiko Kumada. But Rei knows better than to use her real name on the Colonies. Her face might not be recognized here, but with the Alliance around the name Hino would definitely be picked up by the wrong ears sooner or later. And for what it's worth, she isn't about to ruin her father's life by tainting his name with her ambitions of rebellion. So she borrowed from her dead mother and dear Yuchirou, whom she'd loved as a brother but who she had rather shamelessly left behind on Earth. Reiko Kumada was the name on the paychecks Caleb gave her, the name registered at the hotel where she lived, and the name on her fake ID.

And the boy buys it. To be honest, she is surprised he's even speaking with her. He had struck her as the cold and distant type, and while he was far from being friendly, he wasn't being hostile. Thank God for small favors, she supposes.

"Reiko Kumada," he repeats, before raising his mug to his lips. "Odin Lowe."

An alarm trips somewhere in her mind. She knows that name. Why? Where had she heard it? Not from the senshi...her father? Or was it the news? Maybe even here in the tavern? Odin Lowe. There was someone named Odin Lowe, somewhere. He'd done something. But what?

She shakes her head. Odin certainly isn't a common name, but Lowe is. And the boy sitting beside her hardly looks capable of doing something to attract either the Alliance or the media's attention. Coincidence, nothing more.

"Odin Lowe, hm?" A smile crosses her face. "I was wondering if you had a name to go with that stare."

The surprise of the night comes, he smiles back. And she sees him in a new light. Well, actually, she can't really call it a "new" light at all, since there hadn't been any light in his face at all until this point. But his smile changes the planes of his face, melts the icicle gaze, makes him seem more like a kid than a stalker. She doesn't find it hard to warm up to him with a face like that.

Still, he doesn't wait for her after her next set. Disappointed, she walks back to the hotel she calls home by herself, thinking about the gentleness that hid behind the stone mask on Odin Lowe's face. There is more she wants to know about him, much more. Does he go to school up here on the colonies, or had he dropped out, like her? Where does he live? Is it just him and the old man? Or does he have siblings? Other relatives? A girlfriend?

_Girlfriend? Why would you care about that?_

Well, he's cute, when he smiles. Not a bad body, either. What, can't she be allowed one little crush? Nothing else to pass the time up here. But...she's hesitant. Odin Lowe is an island to her; an island that, once you put your feet on it, turns out to be a whale ready to leap into the air and throw you to your death. There's just something dangerous about him...

When she goes to sleep, she sees his face in her dreams. He isn't smiling.

--

He starts going to the Dogstar on a regular basis. To see her. It's a dangerous move. All it takes is one raid and one weak-willed member of the rebellion to recognize his face and point him out. In other situations, he knew the drill. Gun to the temple, pull the trigger quick_ (the Alliance will not get the Gundam)._ But in front of civilians, where the bullet could exit and harm innocents? Not an option.

But he can't help himself. She's become an addiction. Every night he waits impatiently for her breaks between sets, when she comes over with a fresh cup of coffee for him and a glass of water for herself. They talk for fifteen minutes or so, or rather, _she _talks. There isn't much he has to say to her, really. Nothing much he _can_ say. On top of that, the things he does tell her are rarely true, and yes, he feels slightly guilty about it. But if he can't give her the truth, then he can still give her the next best thing.

When her break is over, she goes back to the piano in the corner. When she's on her last set, he usually only stays for two songs, then gets up and leaves. He's always afraid that if he stays longer, he'll be there until closing time. She'll catch up to him, and he won't be able to get away at all then. It's too big of a temptation. If he meets up with her at closing, he could end up walking her home. If they get home and she invites him in, he won't be able to help himself. He'd be there until morning, maybe even longer.

It isn't worth the risk.

And yet, his old mentor's words keep ringing in his ears. "Do as your heart tells you." Right now, his heart was telling him to fuck everything, go right up to Reiko Kumada, and ask her if she wanted to get out of this dingy little bar. Catch a flight to Earth, a different colony, anywhere. He could find other, less dangerous mercenary work, she could find a different place to perform. When it comes down to it, there isn't anything holding either of them there. All he has to do was walk up and ask. He knows her answer will be yes.

The temptation is maddening. Maybe things would be easier if he'd never come across her at all.

He doesn't regret it though, when she joins him at the bar right on schedule. Right away, he knows she senses something wrong. He can feel those dark eyes boring into him like drill bits piercing his brain. She remains quiet at first, swirling the water in her glass and send the slivers of ice into a miniature whirlpool.

"You seem worried, Lowe. That's not like you."

She always addresses him by his the last name he'd given her, a habit that seems both impersonal and at the same time affectionate. To her, every other customer is a first name, as well as the proprietor. But he's different. It's as if she's speaking to a comrade on the battlefield.

When he doesn't respond to her remark, she moves on. "I can't blame you, though. The Alliance is getting more aggressive. Someone's got to stand up to them soon, before things get even worse."

"Don't you think that'll cause an all-out war?" the pilot comments offhandedly.

Reiko shrugs. "It's better to die fighting for something than living for no reason at all."

He can't agree more.

--

Rei arrives at the Dogstar at 6:00 PM as usual. It's a Friday, usually one of the busier nights of the week. But as far as down the block she can see the bar is unusually dark. Something isn't right. It couldn't be closed, Caleb would have told her. Even last night, he'd said "See you tomorrow," when she left. It wasn't evil she sensed, per se. Not the evil of a youma or something supernatural. Just a sense of something _wrong_.

Going up to the door, she pulls on the handles. Locked. Peering in the window, she can't see a thing. There are no lights on, but also no signs of a struggle. Really as if...

"Bar's closed."

Something cold and hard presses into the small of her back. At first, Rei can't think of what it is, but when she looks in the window again, she sees the reflection of an Alliance soldier staring back at her, the barrel of his rifle making an indent on her leather jacket. She lets out an indignant little snarl, but he pays no attention to it.

"Hands behind your head. Now."

Although she can feel the rage building inside her, she does as he says. The solder herds her like a sheep around the building to the back entrance. Tapping three times on the door, he announces that he's "got another one." _Another what?_ Rei wonders. The doors open, and she's ushered down a small flight of stairs to a utility room. Perhaps a dozen people are sitting in the middle of the floor, three other soldiers all pointing guns towards them. Particularly at Caleb, who is leaning dejectedly against a hot water heater.

"Caleb! What's happening? What's the meaning of this?"

He looks up at her, shocked to see her. "Reiko? What are you doing here?"

"A damn good question." She turns her head and glares at the soldier holding the gun to her. But he's a no-nonsense guard, and apparently not a very gentle one either. Jabbing the butt of his rifle into her back, he knocks her forward onto the ground. If she hadn't had the reflexes to put her hands out in front of her, her head would have shattered on the cement and all the fine people in that utility room would have had the privilege of seeing her brains spill over their feet.

"Bastard!" she spits, brushing herself off.

"Shut up and sit down," he orders. Rei is about to argue with him, but Caleb gently takes her by the arm and pulls her back.

"Please officers, she's not involved. I swear to it. She just works here, that's all. Let her go," he pleads. "She doesn't know anything."

"Hmph. A likely story from a man whose been hiding spies and radicals for months!"

Rei blinks. _Caleb_? Hiding spies and radicals? Her synapses suddenly fire. The back rooms. Upstairs. The strange people who came and went, like the Cyborg, and...

"Odin," she murmurs. Would he come tonight? If so, he'd certainly be caught. And while Rei might be able to get off okay once she revealed her real identity, if Odin was involved in whatever the Alliance had stumbled onto, he'd be lucky if he got off with jail time.

She can't let it happen. This had to end, before anyone really did get hurt. Which meant there was only one thing to do. Reaching into her jacket, she wraps her hand around her henshin stick. Rei hadn't transformed in years, but she always kept it on her. Just in case. And while she still can't directly attack a human, she has to do something. She shuts her eyes tight and leaps to her feet.

"Rei?" There is worry in Caleb's voice, and shouting from the soldiers for her to sit down.

"Mars Crystal Power! Make up!"

It is like being embraced by a lover who's been gone for years. The heat, the power, the energy, everything enfolds her and fills her with all the strength she could ever need. It burns in the most delicious way possible, and when Sailor Mars opens her eyes to stare down the shocked soldiers, she feels invincible.

"You fucked with the wrong girl, soldier," she hisses. Her hands are glowing, and the flaming bow returns to her grasp, shortly followed by it's companion arrow. She poises herself, aim locked on the soldier who'd thrown her down.

"Caleb!" she calls, drawing back the arrow. "Get ready to run!"

"She's going to shoot! Open fire!" one of the soldiers yells.

Mars smiles. "Fire is right. Mars Flame Sniper!" She unleashes the arrow, but not before changing the target. It shoots straight between two soldiers and hits the back doors at the top of the stairs, igniting them and instantly spreading to the walls. "Go! Run!" she screams, feeling the heat gather again in her hands, preparing for another shot. There's yelling all around her, and running. Even the soldiers are starting to flee, all but one...

All of a sudden, there is a sound like thunder, and a pain in her side...

--

Dr. J had told him to stay away from the Dogstar because an off-duty Alliance soldier had found one of the hidden cameras in an upstairs room when he'd been looking for a place to entertain his mistress. It would only be a matter of days until it was raided, he'd said. Any rebel with half a brain would know to stay away. Both J and his young charge had been blessed with full brains, but many other members hadn't been so lucky. Still, J thought it would be best to just lay low and cut their losses. Besides, Operation Meteor was a go. T minus sixty hours on the record, forty-eight off. The pilot had been officially named Heero Yuy, and was getting his affairs in order for his descent to Earth.

Of course, the only affair the young man had ever had was a woman by the name of Reiko Kumada. A woman who played piano at the bar where a fire had broken out following a suspected Alliance raid.

Heero drives stolen jeep well over the speed limit towards a column of smoke approximately seven blocks ahead. There aren't any fire engines, a bad sign. The Dogstar wouldn't be burning if someone didn't want it to burn, and burn to the ground, most likely. As he approaches, he can see other members of the rebellion running out from behind the bar in a blind panic. All save the bartender, who spots him right off and makes a beeline for him. He stops the jeep, and the man runs up to his side.

"Reiko's still in there."

It's all he needs to hear. Vaulting over the jeep's door, the young man races across the alley and down an opening into the basement of the building. There's smoke everywhere, so he tries to stay low to the ground. Holding his breath, he crawls on his stomach towards a figure laying beside a burst hot water heater. It's Reiko, except it's clearly not Reiko. She's dressed strangely, in a modified middie blouse and skirt, with a red light emanating from a crystal that somehow appears to be both inside her and hovering over her chest. But none of that's really important. What's important is that she's unconscious, and bleeding. A gunshot in the side.

He gathers her into his arms and gets to his feet. The crystal and the red light vanish, and suddenly she's coughing violently. "Odin...?" Her voice is barely audible over the roar and cracking of the fire.

"Hold on." She does so, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing her face into his shoulder. He can feel her breathing through the fabric. Clutching her tighter, he heads for the door, stumbling up the steps as the ground shakes. The pair fall forward at the top, then manage to scramble away as the entire building comes down on itself.

Rei's eyes are wide as she watches the event, but Heero's not done yet. He holds out a hand. "Can you walk?"

It takes a moment before she can respond, but yes, she nods. Taking his hand, he pulls her over to the jeep just as rain starts to fall from the weather system overhead. The jeep isn't covered, but it doesn't matter. The rain feels good on their hot skin, and the feeling of wet needles stinging them in the face as they speed away from the scene is gentler than bullets.

He drives to an abandoned building and parks in the alley beside it. Glancing over at the girl in the passenger's seat, he sees pain and weariness on her face, and despite her protests that she can make it on her own, he places her arm over his shoulder and helps her inside and up the stairs to the top floor. The place used to be an apartment building, and he breaks down a door to find an abandoned unit still decently furnished.

Sitting her on the couch, he glances down at her side. Her hand is covering the wound, and there's a defiant look on her face. "It's fine," she grumbles.

"Let me see it."

"What did I just say?"

But she doesn't have the energy to stop him when he takes her by the wrist (it seems so fragile in his callused hands) and reveals a deep gash in the fabric of her outfit. The edges are ragged and stained red, and he can see a mess of rusty brown blood caked onto her skin beneath it. A look of surprise crosses his face. Only ten minutes or so had passed since finding her, and she'd been bleeding badly back in the Dogstar. And while the wound is far from healed, it had clotted already as though it were no more than a papercut.

His eyes meet hers. "It's fine."

Grumbling, she crosses her legs. "I told you."

Heero stands up. Rei braces herself. There's no affection or caring in his stance, only suspicion and--was it possible?--a sense of betrayal.

"How did the fire start, Reiko?" he demands.

She takes a deep breath. "I...don't know."

There's a click. Raising her eyes, all the color drains from her face. He has a gun pointed straight at her head. "I'll ask you one more time, Reiko. How did the fire start?"

So there was no other way, was there? Rei clenches her fists. It's over then. The whole truth and nothing but the truth, because everything else had been burned to ashes at the Dogstar. She gets to her feet, and the flames again cover her body. Heero shields his eyes from the brightness and the heat, but when it fades away a few seconds later, she's standing before him just as she had all those other nights he'd seen her. The outfit is gone, replaced by the red dress and a leather jacked he'd seen on her a million times before.

"I started the fire, Odin. It was the only way I could think of to get Caleb and the others out. And I wanted to scare you off, in case you decided to show up tonight."

"And you did it--"

"With my power, yes. The same power that kept me safe in the bar. It's my Sailor Crystal. That was what's been healing the wound as well." she cuts off. "I am Sailor Mars, the senshi of fire and war. And..." The next revelation is more difficult than the last. "My name isn't really Reiko Kumada. It's Rei Hino. My father is Takashi Hino, the J.A.P. Area Representative to the Alliance."

Heero stares at the girl before him, the girl he thought he'd known only hours ago. Here she was, not just a child of the Alliance, but possibly not even human. His every instinct tells him to fire on her, to finish the job that he shouldn't have interfered with at the Dogstar. She is an enemy and a threat. And a temptation. Always a temptation. For her, he would throw away his mission, his very life...

He drops the gun, then turns his back on her and stares out the window at the rain coming down through the black outside.

"Odin?"

"That's not my name. It's Heero Yuy."

_Heero Yuy_. She's heard about him in the history books, of course. But elsewhere as well. Her father hadn't been a fan of the man's policies, for one. He'd said it was one of the best things to ever happen when Odin Lowe gunned the bastard down.

_Odin Lowe_. Of course. How could she be so stupid? Code names.

"You're a member of the rebellion, aren't you?"

"Yes." He has nothing to hide from her anymore.

"You didn't tell me."

"It wasn't a risk I was willing to take."

"But you were willing to run into a burning building for me?"

Checkmate. There is nothing he can say to that. Suddenly, he feels arms wrapping around his waist, and a warm body pressing against his back.

"I thought I loved you," Rei murmurs. "But I don't even know you, do I? And you don't know me. Even so..." She squeezes him tighter. "I want it to be real." Her arms slip, then drop as she steps back, settling into herself. Or, at least, trying to. "I'm sorry. You should go. I can get back on my o--"

Her words are cut off as his lips seal against hers. One hand catches her by the wrist while the other grabs her waist and pulls her possessively closer. Her eyes widen grow to the size of dinner plates for a moment, then squeeze shut to hold back the tears. Why was he doing this? It wasn't real. She was still a senshi, he was a rebel, they had both lied, none of it had been true...

"I'm leaving."

She doesn't even notice him pulling his lips away. He is still holding her close, showing no sign of releasing her. But his words are enough. Taking a deep breath, Rei does her best to appear brave. "I understand. You should--"

"Not yet." His gentleness is unbelievable as he wipes a tear from her cheek. Hadn't he just pointed a gun at her? Closing his eyes, he presses his forehead to hers. "I'm going to Earth to fight OZ and the Alliance."

Now she's caressing his face, placing light kisses over his closed eyes. "You're not coming back."

"If I live--"

"If you live, there won't be anything for you here. Remember what I said? Dying for something is better than living for nothing. That's what I've been doing: living for nothing. But after tonight..." Her hand moves from his cheek down his neck and chest, until finally it clasps his. "That's going to end. I'm going back to Earth, and I _am_ going to do something about all of this. Either as my father's daughter, or, if that fails, as a senshi."

"A senshi..."

She nods, then kisses him again. "We have our own battles to fight now, Heero. Any illusions we had...they have to go. How many do you think died tonight? How many more will die when the Alliance retaliates? We don't have any business together with other peoples' lives at stake."

He squeezes her tighter, because he knows she's right. No doubt after the raid Operation Meteor will be pushed up. Dr. J would come looking for him soon, he would launch, and that would be the end. The chances of holding her like this again, of kissing her, would be slim to none. Why had he been so stupid before? He could have had this all along. Now it was too late.

"Tonight..." She murmurs.

"Hm?"

"Stay with me...just tonight..." Her mouth is on his neck and her hands are tugging on his shirt. He stills himself and allows her to remove it before sliding onto the couch with her. His fingers move through the thick mane of black hair as she kisses his chest. "If this is all I can give you, then take it. But I wish..."

Her voice trails into nothingness as desperation gives over to passion. They are each other's first, though they don't say this aloud. When it's over, they lay there entwined, sleep nowhere in sight. And strangely enough, they talk. Not about the war, not about what just happened between them. The conversation they hold for the next three hours is typical of any that might have been held in the Dogstar. Books, music, stories from the past...and neither one questions the truth anymore. They even laugh in a few places, then cling tighter to one another when it fades away.

An alarm goes off on Heero's watch. 4 AM. He looks at her one more time, the temptation he finally succumbed to and did not regret one bit. She meets his gaze evenly, no tears, no sadness, just strength.

"You should get going."

He nods, then leans down and kisses her "Thank you," he whispers.

"Thank _you_." She watches him dress and leave without a word.

He does not look back even once.

--

"There's no doubt the Alliance knows what's going on. They failed to assassinate Vice Foreign Minister Darlian, and they apprehended a number of us at the Dogstar raid. No doubt someone leaked about Operation Meteor," Dr. J remarks over the radio.

In the cockpit of Wing, Heero Yuy makes his final adjustments to the launch sequence. "But this is different from the true operation."

"Yes, this is the operation you chose. But you'll be risking your life."

"Don't worry about me. Life comes cheap. Especially mine."

_It's better to die fighting for something than living for no reason at all._

--

"REI-CHAN!"

The petite blond emerges from the small group of girls waiting at Gate 33C of the Tokyo Spaceport and launches herself at her friend as she exits the concourse. "I missed you so much! You were gone for_ever_!"

Rei laughs, hugging her friend back. "I missed you too, Usagi. Everyone." Her gaze drifts from Ami to Makoto to Minako, all of whom are smiling and fighting their way to her, wanting to welcome her back. Nothing has changed since she's been gone. Nothing for them, anyways.

After another round of hugs, they start towards baggage claim, talking and giggling like old times. A weight settles on Rei's shoulder, and she looks up to see Luna perched there comfortably, a thoughtful look in her eyes. "Hello Rei. Glad to have you home."

"Hi Luna. Glad to be here."

"Did you find what you were looking for up there?" she asks.

Rei gazes skyward. A shooting star streams through the clouds, a rare sight in the daytime. A smile tugs at her lips.

"You know, Luna, I did."

--

_"In my head there's only you now._

_This world falls on me._

_In this world there's real and make believe_

_and this seems real to me."_

_**Fin**_


	2. Beyond the Invisible

**Beyond the Invisible**

_"I look into the mirror_

_See myself, I'm over me_

_I need space for my desires_

_Have to dive into my fantasies."_

_-_Enigma

--

When I was a child the Earth had held a strange sort of fairy tale beauty that had always seemed too good to be true. But nonetheless I had still believed in it. I was Alice, it was Wonderland. I had even gone so far as to run there when things had become unbearable at home. But because I never made it until a year later, it took so many more months for my illusions to shatter. I clearly remember arriving in the desert during Operation Meteor, seeing the villages torn apart by war, blood staining the sand. It seemed Wonderland wasn't so very wonderful after all.

Still, there were places the cancer of war had missed. The beach where Heero and I landed when we came back from space sticks clearly in my mind. Playing with the dogs and watching the sunset was exactly the drug I needed to kill the pain of what had happened up there. And even when that faded, I got so caught up in escaping OZ that there hadn't been time to think about it. Only when Heero and I parted ways and I found myself alone did it all come back.

I told myself I couldn't afford to think about it. I was a wanted man with execution orders on my head and no place to go. I wasn't like Heero. I couldn't just throw myself back into the heat of battle. And at that point, I wasn't going to return to space for anything. It was all I could do to hold myself together when I found myself recalling the events of the past months. Of course, there were sympathizers there on Earth, but enough people had died for me already. I wasn't going to put anyone else in danger for my sake.

So I just started walking, following the road up the coast and stopping in the little towns along the way to sleep and eat. I gave a fake name when I checked into the little motels and when I ran out of cash (I didn't dare use any credit cards) I offered to wash dishes or do odd jobs in exchange for meals. No one complained. Most of the young men were killed or fighting in the war. This was Romefellar territory, but the Treize faction was coming closer every day. Looking back, I wonder if, subconsciously, this was an intentional return to the battlefield.

I mostly lived day-to-day as I traveled. It was soothing, in a way. I was starting to understand how Heero could live as he did. You don't feel too much pain when all you're concerned about is surviving to the next day. I thought I was getting stronger, that by the end I would be ready for anything Fate could throw at me.

But I hadn't expected to run into Michiru Kaioh.

She was my first love. It didn't matter that she was ten years older than me, or that she was my violin teacher. One of my earliest memories is of first meeting her, at age five. My father had ushered me into the music room, where she was standing in front of the window playing Mozart. It had been sunny that day, and seeing her silhouetted like that against the window I had believed she was an angel. Even more than that, I had believed this was the spirit of my mother, returning from the dead to teach me violin.

However, Miss Kaioh was only human, the daughter of one of my father's investors. With most of my sisters out of the house by then, my father had believed she would be a good influence on me, and so it came to be that three times a week I would go up to the music room at exactly four o'clock, and she'd be waiting by the window, ready to hear my latest piece and assign a new one. She was kind, for the most part, but brutally honest. Even when I was a child she spared no criticism. But I didn't mind. It made her praise all the sweeter.

I took lessons with Miss Kaioh until I was twelve. During that last year, they weren't so much lessons as they were meetings. She had told me when she left that I had learned everything that could be taught within five short years, and the rest of the time we spent together was mostly so we could expand our own creative horizons. I had her respect as a musician, but it wasn't enough. As my childhood drew to a close, my feelings for Michiru Kaioh had evolved from a son's love for his mother to a man's love for a woman. However, that didn't change the fact that I was still the twelve-year-old son of Zayeed Winner, or that she was still a beautiful woman who had to return to Earth, where she had been born and raised.

Earth is a big place though. The odds of encountering my old teacher that day in the village were inconceivable. And yet, there she was standing on the beach, playing violin in front of the rising sun and looking every bit the angel I had believed her to be when I was younger. Her hair had gotten a great deal longer; I recalled it as falling to her shoulders in smooth teal waves that reminded me of the ocean. Now it was well down her back, pulled away from her face with a yellow ribbon. She hadn't aged, per se, but I could see her face had matured. The softness was gone, replaced with smooth sharp angles that made her seem colder than I recalled.

I didn't recognize the piece she was playing, but I did know the sound of her violin. The Marine Cathedral. A Stradivarius, centuries old, priceless. She had offered to let me play it once, but I had declined, terrified I would harm the work of art. No, I would never touch that instrument, but I could have listened to it for hours. Maybe that morning on the beach, I did.

Her song ended at some point, though, and her eyes, which had been closed, suddenly opened and locked on mine. There was no recognition in them, but nor was there any surprise. Likely she had known she was being watched the entire time. Miss Kaioh didn't mind. She never did. Performing was her heart's desire, the final touch that made the entire experience so addictive and unforgettable. The entire world could have been watching, for all she cared. She would relish it.

"That was beautiful, Miss Kaioh." I moved towards her slowly, thinking for some reason any sudden movement might scare her off.

My instincts didn't prove to be far off base. The proud expression on her face changed to one of suspicion, and she took a defensive step backwards, ready to run at the drop of a hat.

Then she really saw me. Her eyes widened as a spark of memory passed through them, and her body relaxed. "Quatre? Is that you?" she asked, barely believing her eyes.

I nodded and tried to smile, suddenly feeling like a shy five-year-old again. "It's been a long time, hasn't it?"

The wind was picking up. Glancing over my shoulder to the west, I saw that what I had originally believe was night retreating across the horizon was a mountain range of ugly black clouds. There was a storm coming. But Miss Kaioh didn't seem to notice at all. Her eyes were still on me, as if I were a ghost.

"Quatre, what are you doing here?"

There was a rumble of thunder in the distance. What could I tell her? That my father and sister were dead, that my home had turned against me, that there was a bounty on my head, that I had killed my best friend, and let the only person I had left walk into a battlefield alone? It was a damn good question. What _was_ I doing there? What right did I have to be revisiting this scrap of my past when I had no future to speak of?

When I was eight I had gotten in trouble with my father for brining a stray cat into the house. I managed to hide the pitiful creature for a full week before he found it in his study, mauling several important documents and leaving a stain on the oriental rug in front of the fire. He'd been furious with both me and the cat, and probably wanted to throw us both out in the rain. Of course, he could only remove the cat in such a way. Me he ignored for the rest of the week. At my next lesson I had been so upset I could barely play at all, let alone focus enough to make anything more than a squeak.

Miss Kaioh had only watched me with disappointed eyes. "What's the matter, Quatre? Didn't you practice this week?" she had asked.

I lowered my violin and my eyes in shame. Now I had not only my father's scorn, but hers as well. "I'm sorry, Miss Kaioh. I did practice, but..."

"But what?"

The violin and bow slipped from my grasp as I felt the hot tears spilling over my cheeks. "Please don't hate me, Miss Kaioh! Father already hates me because I let the cat in, even though I didn't mean for it to make a mess. I'm sorry, I'll play better, I promise..." I think I might have rambled on beyond that, but I don't remember, because the next thing I knew Miss Kaioh had dropped to her knees and pulled me tightly into her arms.

"Sh...Quatre. It's all right..."

She was so soft and gentle, but at the same time I felt completely protected in her arms. I could smell her perfume as I sobbed into her shoulder, and it only made me press my face tighter against her. She was rubbing my back slowly in an effort to calm me down, and it worked. Moving her hands to my shoulders, she placed me in front of her then wiped my tears with a handkerchief from her pocket.

"Now listen to me, Quatre. Your father does not hate you, and I don't hate you either. Everyone makes mistakes. And it's okay to cry about them too. It just shows how sorry you really are. But--" She folded the damp cloth into my hand, then stood up. "You can't cry forever. When you make a mistake, fix it when you can, and if you can't, it's time to move on. So." Picking up my violin and bow, she handed them both to me. "How about you try again?"

But things were different now. I wasn't seven, and this wasn't about a cat or playing a sonata wrong. People were _dead_. Because of me. It was a mistake you couldn't break through, climb over, or walk around.

I felt weak now, standing before Miss Kaioh with a storm at my back. "Would it be all right if I stayed with you for a while, Miss Kaioh?" I asked. I hoped she understood me. My voice was shaking my words into gibberish.

She heard me clearly, though. "Yes, of course. Come on, looks like we're in for some bad weather." Stowing the Marine Cathedral in its case, she motioned for me to follow her down the strand.

Miss Kaioh lived in a surprisingly large house on a cliff over the beach. To me it seemed to large for one person living alone. Then it hit me: who was I to say she _did_ live alone? Michiru Kaioh was a beautiful, intelligent, talented woman. She was also old enough to be married now, old enough to have a child, even. My heart sank. That had to be it. Of course, it would be silly to hope for anything otherwise in the first place. Not only was she my former teacher, but I had given up that life to become a Gundam pilot. Even visiting her house was likely to put her in danger. No, she deserved a good man who would stay by her no matter what, who would give her beautiful children and make her smile.

Yet it was strangely dark and quiet as we entered the front hall. There was no one home. But there were photos on the walls beside the stairs and open doorways to other rooms. Michiru with a blond girl around my age, possibly another student. Michiru and a tall woman with dark skin and long green hair, both of them strikingly beautiful. And a Christmas photo, Michiru in front of a tree with a small black-haired girl in her arms. There was a tall, handsome man beside her with an arm around her waist, smiling rather cooly but seeming kinder in his dark blue eyes.

"You're married now?" I murmured, my hand falling to her left hand. Sure enough, a silver ring with an aquamarine cut into a star.

"Engaged," Miss Kaioh corrected. Her eyes followed mine to the photograph. "Haruka is fighting with the rebels in North America right now. She's been gone since last summer."

_She_? I looked closer. Sure enough. Her curves were hidden by the loose man's shirt she wore, but I could see now that Haruka was indeed a female. But even so, she was nothing like Miss Kaioh, who radiated femininity and grace. Haruka looked like a steel trap ready to spring, dangerous and alluring as a newly sharpened blade.

My gaze returned to the dark haired girl in Miss Kaioh's arms. Looking around, this didn't seem like a house for a child. Besides that, she had to be at least seven. "And the little girl? Is she your daughter?"

"Yes, her name's Hotaru. We adopted her after her father passed." She was quiet for a few moments, then turned and looked at me. Raising a hand, she gently laid it aside my face, making me blush a bright red. "She reminds me of you." Dropping her hand, she turned and continued down the corridor until it opened up into a large kitchen. She flicked the switch on the wall, filling it with artificial light. "You must be hungry. I'll get some breakfast started."

I thanked her, then set my duffel down beside the back door. Watching her break the eggs and boiling water for tea, I tried to picture her doing tasks like this for her family. It seemed impossible. When she'd been my teacher, Miss Kaioh had never once spoken to me about her family. On occasion she would pass messages on from her father to mine, but these were nothing personal. Yes, she _had_ a father, but most young children just assume everyone has a father. As for sisters, brothers, a mother, boyfriends, girlfriends...she never once mentioned anything about any of them.

Was I only now just realizing I knew nothing about the woman I loved?

She set a plate of eggs, sausage, and fruit in front of me, as well as a cup of tea. Pouring a second for herself, she sat down across from me and encouraged me to eat. "You look thin," she commented, sipping from a chipped mug and tilting her head slightly.

I did as she asked. The food tasted better than anything had in a long time. We didn't say anything while I ate, just occasionally glanced out the window at the dark clouds that had now spread all the way to the horizon. The ocean was choppy, and I could hear the surf roaring far below us. From a practical standpoint, it was a good thing I had run across Miss Kaioh. It would not have been a good idea to stay out in this weather.

When I finished, she picked up my plate and deposited it in the sink. I watched her quietly, still trying to see her as a wife and mother. "Miss Kaioh...where is your daughter? Hotaru?"

"I sent her to the Sanc Kingdom with a friend of mine," she answered, not looking at me.

"You sent her away? Why?"

Miss Kaioh sighed, then turned around and put a hand to her forehead. Now I was starting to see age on her face. Her eyes were tired, and it looked like it had been a long time since she'd really smiled. "This place is hanging on a thread. As soon as the Treize faction makes a move against Romefellar, it's all going to go to hell. I had to get her out. And I'm not far behind."

So it seemed my plans wouldn't work after all. Staying here with Miss Kaioh for a while seemed like just the medicine I needed to get over everything, but apparently the pharmacy was sold out. "When will you leave?"

"As soon as my affairs are in order. Haruka and I have some belongings that need to be secured with others, so as soon as that's taken care of, I'll be going. Of course, you're welcome to stay as long as you like. I'll leave a key with you, if you want," she offered, going to the window and staring out at the storm.

"That's all right. I won't be here very long. Just one night, maybe two." It would be a risk to stay any longer than that. "Will you go to Sanc, then?" I asked, joining her. I recalled the information Heero and I had found in the captain's tent when we were captured. Relena was there, offering refuge to any who wanted it and shielding them with policies of total pacifism. Policies that would be about as effective as paper against Romefellar. I wondered if Miss Kaioh's daughter and friend were really all that safe.

She shook her head. "No, I'm going to join Haruka in the US. The rebel forces really need help, and I've had a little MS training."

I blinked in surprise. "You know how to pilot mobile suits?" Miss Kaioh? My _violin teacher_? Picturing her in the cockpit of a Taurus or Leo was even more difficult than trying to see her as a woman with a family.

To my surprise, she laughed. "Quatre...you never change." Her hand reached out to ruffle my hair as she turned to face me. "That makes me happy. If all I can do in the world is protect one innocent soul like yours, then that's plenty."

_Innocent_. Oh God. That's exactly what I _wasn't_. Why couldn't she see that? The blood on my hands was invisible to her. Instead of the killer I saw every time I looked in the mirror, Miss Kaioh likely only saw the young boy she left behind to a life of peace and happiness in space. For the first time, I found myself wishing I had never agreed to help Instructor H. That I'd never become a Gundam pilot. If I had remained the boy she still believed existed, my father might still be alive. Trowa certainly would. The people on the colonies I destroyed, without a doubt. And if that boy someday ran into his former teacher, he would be able to stand before her proudly and say, "Look at what I've become," without wanting to lay down and die.

"Miss Kaioh...I'm not innocent at all," I murmured, dropping my gaze. I couldn't even bear to look her in the eye now.

"No?"

I shook my head. I had no words for her. She, on the other hand, had some surprising ones for me.

"Do you think that because you're a Gundam pilot?"

My gaze snapped up to lock with hers. She knew? How was that possible? Ever since Heero and I had parted ways, I made sure never to tell anyone who or what I was. But even before that, I had been careful. The others had put their names with their positions without a second thought, but I still had my family to think about. On the battlefield, I was 04, or Sandrock's pilot. Never Quatre Raberba Winner. If the connection was made, people I loved were sure to die.

So how had Miss Kaioh found out?

When I asked her, a sigh escaped her lips. "So it's true then." She turned her back on me, an act that made me wince. I remembered being seven again, and she was now my father, too enraged for words. But even though she didn't look at me, there was no anger in her voice when she finally did speak.

"The rumors started going around when your father died. You'd already been seen with another confirmed pilot. 02, I believe." Duo. So I had failed from the very beginning. "Then when a Gundam, a symbol of the colonies' fight for independence, turned on its former supporters, revenge was one of the key motives. I haven't heard anything official, but in my heart..."

"You knew."

"Yes."

A pain was stabbing through my heart. Clutching my chest, I remembered the yellow light of Zero's cockpit. The enemies everywhere. Armed colonies that needed to be destroyed. Heero, who would kill me or be killed. And Trowa...

"So...you know...what I did..."

"Yes, Quatre. I know." And with that, she took me into her arms again. She didn't have to kneel now; I was a tall as she was. But she was still soft and warm and gentle, and when she whispered my name again I knew it was all right to cry on her shoulder just as I had all those years ago. This time she didn't bother trying to calm me down; like the storm outside, she knew it was better for me to just ride it out. My entire body shuddered with sobs, and I felt my knees going weak, ready to collapse. But Miss Kaioh was strong, she held me up and against her with almost no effort at all. And when I finally felt the tides of emotion ebbing away, she pulled out a handkerchief, possibly that same one from my memories, and wiped my eyes. This time I stopped her, taking the cloth on my own and drying my cheeks.

After a few breaths, I shut my eyes. "I'm sorry, Miss Kaioh."

"No, Quatre. I'm sorry. Sorry for you." I was still in her arms, and she held me tighter. "What you must have gone through...no one deserves that..."

"I did. I killed all those innocent people. _I killed my best friend--_"

She put a finger in front of my lips. "Quatre. I have known you since you were a little boy. You are a kind, gentle person. If you can look me in the eyes and tell me you killed those people because you wanted to, that it was your decision, that you could have stopped it and chose not to, then I will believe what you say." Her hand moved to brush the hair from my eyes. "But seeing you standing here, I know that you would never do anything like that. My heart tells me that someone else destroyed those colonies and killed your friend. Someone who looked like you and spoke like you and possibly even fought like you. I think while you were grieving for your father, you went away and someone else took over. And Quatre..." She touched her forehead to mine. "You are not responsible for his actions."

Someone else. Was she talking about the Zero System? That was what it had felt like. Someone invading my body, telling me who my enemies were and forcing me to destroy them whether I wanted to or not. But I was the one who built Zero in the first place, the one who wanted a tool to end the madness in space.

"It's not your fault, Quatre," she whispered to me.

"Miss Kaioh--"

"It's not your fault."

I pressed my face into the crook of her neck. I wanted to cry again, but there weren't any tears left. There wasn't any pain either. I felt numb all over. I couldn't even feel her arms around me anymore, though I was aware that I was clinging to her for dear life. _It wasn't my fault_. That still didn't change things. It wouldn't bring Trowa and all those other people back.

She said something about bed. I nodded dumbly at the idea, and she led me up the stairs to a blue room overlooking the water. The king bed in the center was covered with a navy quilt that looked shamelessly inviting. I vaguely remember stepping out of my shoes and laying down on top of the quilt, Miss Kaioh sitting next to me and caressing my cheek. I might have slipped into a dream after that, I'm not sure. But I was still aware of her touch, and was struggling to speak.

"Miss Kaioh?"

"Yes, Quatre?"

"I love you."

I don't know if I really spoke those words or not, because everything went black after that. When I awoke, it was dark out. I couldn't be sure if I'd slept the entire day away, or if it had been even longer. But Miss Kaioh wasn't there, and the house was more quiet than ever. Had the _whole thing _been a dream? Maybe I'd just stumbled into a random deserted house, delirious from both physical and emotional exhaustion.

If that was the case, what was the package on the night stand?

Sitting up, leaned over and examined an oblong object wrapped in white cloth. On top of it was an envelope with my name written across it in the same scroll that used to fill a notebook of my music assignments. The flap hadn't been sealed, just neatly tucked into the pocket of the envelope. Pulling it free, I removed a sheet of stationary from the inside.

_My Dearest Quatre,_

_With any luck, I will be gone by the time you find this letter. I realize how cruel that is of me, and please know that the thought of leaving you alone like this hurts very much. But at the same time, I am not leaving you alone at all. I am right there with you, just as I always have been. I know it's easy to forget; I was only ever your teacher, after all. But teachers are supposed to care for their students, and if you don't know already, I have always cared very much for you._

_That is why I have to leave now. Part of me wants to stay here with you until you're in a right state of mind again. But in the long run, that wouldn't really do much good, would it? Besides, I think I've been enough use to you. When you were a child, I taught you violin by setting an example and letting you figure out the rest on your own. So here's my example now: I am leaving to join the war._

_Do as you see fit._

_My offer for you to stay still stands if you should decide you aren't ready. My neighbor will be coming by tomorrow to check on things. I told her you might be here when she does, but in my heart I hope you won't be. You might think you showed weakness in coming to me like you did, but as I sit here writing this, I see a very strong, brave young man laying on my bed. It's not a matter of if you will return to the battlefield; only when. And I think once your body gets the chance to reenergize, you will be ready._

_None of us knows how long the road is, Quatre. We cannot predict when we will make wrong turn any more than we can predict intersections with paths we thought we'd never see again. All we can do is keep walking and never look back. And when you reach an obstacle, you must find a way around it. That should be no problem for someone like you. You are never as lost as you think you are. And you are never, ever alone._

_I am leaving with you one of the items I mentioned earlier as a symbol of my faith in you. Please keep this gift safe and with you at all times. If we should be so lucky as to see each other again, I may ask for it back, but until then it is yours. It is the last thing your teacher can give._

_I pray you will find your way in and out of the battlefield safely. There is far too much you can yet do for the world, Quatre Raberba Winner. I myself cannot wait to see what good you still have to do. You cannot die yet._

_I love you._

_Michiru Kaioh_

I clutched the letter in shaking hands and reread it once, then again. Finally, I set it down and picked up the object on the night stand. It was heavy and cold beneath the cloth as my fingers wrapped around an intricately wrought metal handle. Removing the cloth, I was met face to face with my own reflection.

She had left me a mirror.

--

_"Close your eyes_

_Just feel and realize_

_It is real and not a dream_

_I'm in you and you're in me."_


End file.
